The Best funniest baby picture.
Funny Quotes.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
-Marilyn Monroe
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
– Chris Rock
more funny jokes
“As a family we couldn’t decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live.”
– Gary Delaney
I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!
– Will Ferell
“I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.”
– Bill Murray
“My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop.”
–Bill Murray
I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.
-Will Ferell
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
-Douglas Adams
“I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.”
– Bill Murray
Off to Azerbaijan!
– Eddie Izzard
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
-Dave Barry
Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them as much.
-Oscar Wilde
To Absent Brothers
To Absent Brothers
An Irishman strolls into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a taste out of everyone thus. When he completed each of the three, he returns to the bar and requests three more. The barkeep says to him, ‘You know, a half quart goes level after I draw it; it would taste better on the off chance that you got each one in turn.’ The Irishman answers, ‘Well I have two siblings. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we as a whole left home, we guaranteed that we’d drink along these lines to recall the days we as a whole drank together. ‘The barkeep concedes this is a decent custom and abandons it there. The Irishman turns into a normal in the bar and dependably drinks a similar way: he arranges three pints and beverages the three points by taking beverages from every one of them thusly. At some point, he comes in and orders two pints. The various regulars in the bar notice and fall quiet. When he returns to the bar for the second round, the barkeep says, ‘I would prefer not to interfere with your sadness, yet I needed to offer my sympathies on your extraordinary misfortune.’ The Irishman looks mistook for a minute, at that point a lights day breaks in his eye and he chuckles. ‘Goodness, no, ‘ he says, ‘Everybody is fine. I’ve recently stopped drinking! lol
Best Funny Cat Quotes.
Best Funny captions for Instagram
- How I feel when there is no Coffee. DEPRESSO!
50% Savage. 50% Sweetness. - Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
- I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.
- It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.
- Love can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous, without being selfless.
- When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and danceBe a Warrior not a Worrier.
check out these funny captions for selfies
- Go wild for a while.
- Rolling with the hommies.
- When you are downie, eat a brownie.
- All we have is NOW.
- We got that Friday feeling.
- Catch flights not Feelings.
- Disappointed but not surprised.
- Women drivers rev my engine.
- You can’t do epic shit with basic people.
- I myself never feel that I’m sexy. If people call me cute, I am happier.
- It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.
- The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.
Funny Caption for instagram 